I always wished that I could run, like my sister
Her feet pounding steady on pavement
A mindless escape without the leaving
But my legs were always too weak
My breath too thin
And I fell behind
So the only sort of running I was ever any good at
Was the sort that existed inside my head
The sort that is frantic, foggy, and I fell…

And suddenly a month is gone
And nothing has passed my lips but lies, to keep the time from touching me
A graze too soon and I’ll be up in smoke
The lists pile high but I hide beneath them, once again trapped in my house of cards
I see my salvation before me, a beacon that I could reach out and touch
But I remain still as the night for just one move
And the walls come crumbling down

Consequences taste of marmalade, always so bitter
Weakness like sour milk
I have not tasted success quite yet
But I hope that it does taste sweet


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Tonight I had to ask if it was real
Or if I was seeing shadows again
Where there were none
Because yesterday I lost my breath
Over a ball of string
And today I couldn’t keep my eyes open
The edges of the world were fuzzy
The floor wouldn’t stay still
I had to remind my lungs to work
To take in air
My heart pounds and my hands shake
But I will find the calm
I have to

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Things to Remember


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December 14, 2014 · 9:01 pm

Unfinished Letters to my Little Sister

You are beautiful
Even on the days when every pore is screaming no
When your mind is playing tricks
And every mirror seems to shatter before your eyes
On those days when you use your hair as a curtain to hide from the world
Because even though they don’t tell you
There is nothing quite like your smile

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I have probably spent more time trying to write messages to you than I care to admit
But every word seems to shrivel like the winter leaves
You seem so big and bright, and just so much more
How could I dare to even walk in your shadow
No matter how many times you hold your hands out
My fingers always twist too tight and my throat is dry as bone
So, in other words, I would love to talk
Poetry over coffee, I’m there
But maybe you could write to me?
I don’t want to be a bother
I’ll just sit here, pressed against the wallpaper
And as always, waiting for you to speak first

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I’m not even sure anymore

Whether I still have my walls thrown up high

Or no one now bothers to approach

Either way

I am alone

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My Sunshine Sister

My sunshine sister was cold and dark
Chained to her lover moon
They circled each other like clockwork
The picture of beauty, a lullaby tune

What once was their beautiful rhythm
Had turned to cracks and strain
So she found the key to his locks
And shed their heavy chains

Now my sunshine sister is free from her bonds
And roaming among the stars
Spilling her happy light on the way
I pray she does not go too far

For I wish her every joy
All the love her heart can withstand
But I do not know what I would do
If I could not hold her hand

My sunshine sister embraces me
As it is my turn to take flight
And I hope she will still have this new shining smile
When she returns from the night

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Gone Gone Gone

You’ve taken my words with you
And all I want to do is write sonnets to those I found in the ashes
But I’m finding that it’s impossible to craft beauty from empty spaces
And the pain that was supposed to inspire has left my fingers numb
The hollowness you left in your wake has yet to pass
I can only hope that this raucous silence will leave me soon
Because I’m going crazy inside my own mind, and if I’m not careful
You’ll take me with you

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My grandfather died on Saturday

And I don’t have any words

I am the one who is supposed to turn this

Into pretty phrases

And I have to say something

I can’t just say nothing

But all I have is this lump in my throat

That is all sharp edges

Catching anything that tries to pass


On the day before he died

He lay in that bed

Moans and heavy breathing

His lungs sounded like childhood

When we blew bubbles in chocolate milk

I haven’t been able to drink milk since


And on the way home

Just my sister and I

Sitting in silence until

If I lay here

If I just lay here

Would you lie with me and just forget the world

It felt like when we lay in the middle of the empty street

In the cold dark of New Year’s Eve

Holding hands as if we would never let go

Could never let go

But dressed in black not two days later

We couldn’t be farther apart


I don’t know what is supposed to happen now

I don’t know if my words will come back

I don’t know anything right now


I had said these things come in threes

I just didn’t think that he would be the third

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Secrets in the name of love
Of protection
Have never worked out
Why did you think this
Would be any different

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